What to Wear

We had 13 months between the engagement and the wedding of our daughter. We knew this big event was going to take a lot of planning. Having her live overseas and the wedding taking place here in Colorado would also mean that there were special plans that might take extra time.

It wasn't until well after the date was set along with the locations of a special pre-wedding event and the reception, the caterer, the flowers were all sorted out that it occurred to me I needed to figure out what was I going to wear. I am not a really big dress up kind of person. I also knew I was going to need to navigate something I could wear to the wedding in which I would be comfortable post double mastectomy. It was an emotional process. I wanted to show up as my fullest and truest to self. So I was going to need some help to sort it all out. 

The reading for this coming Sunday has some harsh words in a parable about someone who doesn't wear the right outfit. In our Lectio Divina Bible study, we talked about the importance of remembering that this reading is Jesus telling a parable. Part of our conversation led me to think that perhaps it's as important “to know what to wear” as “what not to wear” to show up for an event. It got me thinking of how the mother of the bride dress was not as important as fully showing up to love, support and celebrate this milestone. The parable within the parable tin which the king cast out someone not in right wedding garb into the outer darkness, the place of the weeping and gnashing of teeth takes some sorting out. 

As dresses were ordered, tried on, and often rejected and sent back, I could feel some of the angst and anxiety build. Throughout this process, I needed to remind myself that showing up at the wedding was not about how I looked and absolutely was not about me. I wonder if this might have been part of the message of Jesus in his parables in this reading.  There are words about those first who refused an invitation to attend the wedding. A description of the news invited who are both good and bad and then the ending of casting out the one who wasn't wearing a wedding garment.

It took a little bit of time for me and some processing to realize that the most important thing I needed to wear was a heart open to experience my daughter's wedding fully. I also knew it would be important to do my part in supporting, celebrating, encouraging. Reflecting on this gospel reading which has Jesus continuing to address the chief priests and pharisees in his last days- the eschatological- end times- pay attention to this now! engery is very present.

For those listening and learning then and us now- the writer of Matthew both speaks to the boundless generosity and inclusive reach of God’s grace- both the good and bad are invited. AND that God desires us- our whole selves, our whole lives to be given and entrusted and lived for God’s sake. Many are called and few are chosen has become a well known phrase and as one commentator suggests- this is a call to not wear the complacency and conformity of the status quo instead to wear the companion that loves beyond limits and refuses to leave things the way they are. Connecting Matthew 22 with the Matthew 5 the invitation to the wedding is the invitation to wear the “righteousness” of God by being Salt and Light

13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything but is thrown out and trampled under foot. 14 “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 People do not light a lamp and put it under the bushel basket; rather, they put it on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

This invitation to take to heart that God’s grace calls us to be salt and light- to be clothed in compassion both convicts me and convinces me. How we live and love matters to God. The way we show up and share the love of God in word and in actions is for the love of the world that God loves so much and it matters.  

On the day of the wedding in early January the sun shone brightly. It was 60 degrees in Denver. The concerns about weather and snow, cake and flowers, who would be there and who couldn’t attend all faded away. I wanted to be so fully present in the moment that my prayer throughout the day was deep breaths, pauses to let in the love and letting go of how I might appear in photos. Instead I was so clear that this day was not about me and it was an invitation for me to enter into the joy, the love, and the celebration.